so its pretty odd that i would feel the need to write something right now..because mostly, things are like they always are.

the following is a jumbled up mess or words...so read at your own risk.

i just feel like i would like to document this day...this regular wednesday.  i didnt work today..i left the house only once so far.  i went to the post office and to the bank.  i sent some letters with a special little thing in them.  i drew flowers on the envelopes.  i called the student loan people so maybe now they will stop calling me.  i am probably booking my flight to california tomorrow.  i will be in huntington beach and los angeles.  i will be staying with molly, who i met when i was on warped tour...we are like 2 peas in a very weird pod.  sometimes, it weirds me out that we have become such great friends...only because we met briefly for like 2 seconds then our friendship just bloomed over AIM and myspace and the telephone...her husband is aaron barrett of reel big fish....weird.  i will be out there for valentines day and my birthday.  i will probably see parker and some other friends if circumstances allow. tonight,  i am going to a party that some friends from work are throwing in a little bit.  i really should get ready probably.  i am trying to drink only water, but i bet i will drink other things tonight.  life has been crazy..2008 was absolutely one of the craziest years of my entire life.  recently, we found out my mom has breast cancer, and is undergoing treatment for that, my brother had his wreck  in august which was pretty terrifying...i will never forget that feeling i had that morning when i didnt know what was happening and all i could think about was the dream i had..... i had my own mess of a situation in lawton, which im thankful that im out of because its obvious that its better this way.  i guess what im trying to say is that all of that junk, brought me to this exact place..and im still trying to figure out what to do with it all.  i think that God is holding me in this mediocre little box for a reason..only for a small time in the grand scheme of things though..and pretty soon, i will know why and what to do.   i have an idea, i just have to have faith and do it. 

i guess when it came down to it, this was my so long 2008 post...i learned a lot last year...so many circumstances that i couldnt help, and all i could do was make it through, sometimes literally crawling away. 

because of all that crap,  this year, i know to stand up for myself, to not lower my standards, to love the people im around, to fully enjoy their company, to let people know me and to not be worried about it, to always remember that i am fully capable, and that someday, i will see the fruits of my efforts and kindness. 

so i leave you with this quote:

"God doesnt give you the people you want.  He gives you the people you need...to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you, and to make you the person you were meant to be."

risa.

some things have changed.

i live in oklahoma city now.  its been a good time so far.  theres just more to do and i feel like a better person here overall. 

today though, my heart is kinda heavy for my friends that are like my second family really, who are dealing with the loss of a young 22 year old beauty in texas.    i met her once.  she was pretty in person too.  i never knew her though.  its really just a shame how quickly things like this can happen, literally over night.  please just keep them in your thoughts and prayers.  its going to be pretty difficult for them. 

im pretty optimistic these days. im excited to see whats around the corner..i guess its the next chapter.

sometimes though, i feel like things are so much like they were, that it scares me...makes me feel like maybe nothing has really changed at all, only some time passed, my hair grew back out, and my summer skin shed a long time ago.  i dont know what i would do, if i came to a fork in the road...where if i went left, i would reopen that past and gamble with what ive gained, or to go right, and leave that behind and only look forward, being open to whatever may come my way, but then still wondering about the other.  i really dont know what i would do. 

anyway,  i think im gonna go out into the cooler weather.

risa.